Enduring love

... is a great novel and in part the inspiration for this post. It's been on my mind since, ages ago, I posted on my wall over at the Book of Face that I 'loved being in love'. People I don't know at all (well except on FB but people I have never actually met just joined up with in a group or whatever and they really would have no idea about my relationships or personal life) liked it, and people who know me really well (like nieces, daughters etc) also liked it. There seemed a conspicuous silence from those 'long time' friends I've reconnected with in the world of virtual networking. Now I'm not so narcissistic as to expect everyone to comment on my every post. In fact most of my mundane or even the subjectively extraordinary status updates draw little comment. But I did get to thinking - "I wonder how I would react if I saw this in one of my long-time friends' status box."

It seems a bit of an indictment on my expectations of relationships that I can so easily slip into scepticism. I think if I did read that about someone else my first unbidden reaction would be along the lines of "who with?" (or "with whom?" if I was in a grammatical frame of mind). I would be timid about responding because I would be wondering if a marriage/relationship had ended/ if the person was engaged in a racy affair/ if there was some gossip I hadn't been privy to.

On a regular basis I feel moved when I see signs of that deep kind of love between two people that has grown and deepened over 30/40/50 years. Recently I met a couple who had celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. Churches do seem to be a place I see this kind of love - although not the only place - inspiring people who somehow live the phrase 'enduring love'

It was the protagonist couple who most caught my imagination in MacEwan's novel of the same name. How quick the wife was to leap to the conclusion that her now-deceased husband was with another woman in the hours preceding his death. How irritated she was by his altruism, and his persistence, that made no difference to the outcome for the child in the runaway balloon, but which deprived her of his presence. How remorseful when she learned the surprising truth of his meandering country drive that fateful afternoon. How easily I can be like her.

And in case there's any doubt I love being in love with the wonderful man who first mowed my lawn 23 years ago and who has shared my life ever since. Enduring isn't quite the right adjective; it seems to imply hardship or difficulty or something along those lines. I prefer a movie title from a little more recently 'Love Actually'

The Mystery of Love

Walking home with iPod on shuffle I experienced a real mixture - from Jack Johnson's Banana Pancakes to the traditional carol 'Christians awake salute the happy morn ... rise to adore the Mystery of Love which hosts of angels chanted from above". Echoes of the Lads 'Beetroot stain' in the morning selection: A quirky devotional from before the days of Napisan OxyAction. I consider this the contemporary Christian song that the 16th Century reformers would identify with - it seems in its own unique way to capture those Reformed essentials of the wholly other God who reaches out in grace; who first loved us; and who is faithful and whose love is beyond measure.

It's a long time since I read Ian McEwan's Enduring Love. I think it is my favourite work from this author. With skill many of the dimensions of love were captured, explored, examined; all the while seemingly handled gently and with respect. My random music choices today have rekindled some of the affect I remember from the novel (the movie didn't evoke the same affective response). And led me to reflect again on what it means to live in love.

In the challenges and the mundane tasks of everyday I hope that I keep within a hair's breadth of an awareness of the great Mystery of Love in whom I live and move and have my being. And within a hair's breadth of attending to relationships with those with whom I know the joy of loving and being loved. Not taking this gift for granted. Living in gratitude. And getting on with what needs to be done. So be it.

Lollo - towards reformation II

And what of you Lollo?
Charlotte von Kirschbaum

Theologian, quick-minded, hungry for truth
You gave yourself to this great enterprise
At the expense of your reputation

You know today some writers consider you were exploited
Used and abused by a man you looked up to and admired

Was that the way it was?
Or are you more abused by those who know no more than their limited imagination can conceive
Who cannot believe that a secretary can be a fellow theologian

The whisperers and critics
So keen to bring down a mind that threatened
That they would use you, his lifelong assistant
As a weapon

I like to think you'd like this quote - by a male theology graduate in that country of the USA where you visited with Karl so long ago

Let’s keep in mind that Nelly visited Charlotte on a very regular basis after Karl died... puts one in mind of a continuing and grand friendship. …. Adultery does not come to mind except by those who might be given to such things themselves.

Yours was a grand commitment
To ideals and knowledge and philosophy
Forsaking the frivolities that attract so readily
Living an unconventional lifestyle
Becoming part of a household
yet without a family of your own

To love and not to count the cost
To understand and to argue cogently
To have good times together

A life well-lived
A life lived well
Thanks for showing us how

Changing allegiance

I remember the day I became an Elizabeth Arden girl. Working in my first real job, a junior doctor in a rural hospital, I had time for a bit of a bushwalk between the end of my shift and the bible study group I attended. Drove to the park boundary, enjoyed a quick tramp, got back to the car and pulled out from the parking spot to discover I had a flat tyre. Which I changed as any resourceful woman five miles from anywhere and anyone would. But I had no time for a shower and felt grimy and dirty from all that manual work. So I called in at the local pharmacy - tried all the perfumes - and settled on a large bottle of EA. It was an amber colour but I don't remember the name. I know that when it was going out of production I bought up three bottles which lasted me a good while. And as I got older, and used make-up more regularly, I always gravitated to the Elizabeth Arden stands. Friendly knowledgeable staff. Good products. Until this year. Twice I went to the EA stand in our local department store (moderately upmarket). The first time the attendant was talking on a mobile phone, saw I was waiting but continued her conversation regardless. The second time there was no one there for an extended period of time. Irrationally I walked back toward the entrance and responded to the friendly overtures of the Clinique staff. It kind of surprised me that after nearly 30 years I could be so fickle and abandon an entrenched retail habit. For irrational reasons. Which are basically self-centred (she didn't pay adaequate attention to me ...) But it makes me wonder what it is like for people coming into our churches and health services. How well do we attend to them? Interrupt our routines or conversations to address a question or concern? Value each person-presence? Take notice and respond?

Dating games

Great to wake up on a sunny Saturday and find this Friday Five from Songbird waiting. That it's all about dates reminded me of the scene I so enjoy in Miss Congeniality where the contestant is asked about her ideal date - and she replies along the lines of "April 24th. Not too hot and not too cold, you only need a light sweater".

It's Friday afternoon, Eastern Time, and this is your faithful Songbird with a calendar-related Friday Five. Due to some confusion with our dates, I'm stepping in today, although I am usually here only on the 5th Friday, when there is such a thing.

Here are five things to ponder about dates. I hope you'll play!

1) Datebooks--how do you keep track of your appointments? Electronically? On paper? Month at a glance? Week at a glance?
Unfortunately often in my head! Which is not that effective. But I do keep an electronic diary and prefer month-at-a-glance view. I love the little reminders popping up on screen. The challenge is to remember to enter events into it (see #2).

2) When was the last time you forgot an important date?
Wednesday this past week! The previous Saturday was the girls' last netball game for the season and the 'Mums' (for there were no Dad's watching) set about organising a little treat for them. Pizza at Mario's Wednesday @ six. I was to collect my lass and two others (sisters) from school after band practice and deliver them to the pizza restaurant on my way to Church Council. The other Mum would do the home trip. But when my child was sick on Wednesday and stayed home from school, and a 10.30 meeting in town didn't finish until after 3, and I had a chance to visit a wool shop on the way home, I traveled home in a relaxed fashion and completely forgot the dinner. Got a call at 10.30p.m. (still at Church Council) when daughter discovered our lapse. Trouble was I used routine rather than diary on this one - but when no pick-up from band it all fell apart.

3) When was the last time you went OUT on a date?
Our trip to the top end was like a wonderful extended date, with walks, dinners out and so much opportunity just to be together plus a large comfortable bed to come back to, and that was only last month. PLUS a family date, Sunday breakfast, to celebrate a birthday this month. And though it is a while ago now the balloon trip was the most amazing date.

4) Name one accessory or item of clothing you love even though it is dated.
I was just looking in my wardrobe this morning at things I can't throw out - and I was ruthless before we left NZ. The pick is a brown and orange (large orange flowers and some mauve ones) strappy dress from the 70's that I long to fit into again!

5) Dates--the fruit--can't live with 'em? Or can't live without 'em?
Definitely not without! My grandmother, and then my mother, generally took date and ginger sandwiches on family picnics. And nothing better than a fresh date scone. I have never lost my affection for this fruit.

Big hearted Godde

Over the past weekend I was among 40+ leaders in our local church at the Naamaroo Conference Centre - a great venue surrounded by National Park land with plenty of opportunity for bushwalking and reflection. As I wandered on Sunday morning I was reading the Oremus office for the previous day and kept coming back to these words from Micah7 (vv 14 and 18):

Shepherd your people with your staff, the flock that belongs to you, which lives alone in a forest in the midst of a garden land; let them feed in Bashan and Gilead as in the days of old... Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over the transgression of the remnant of your possession? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in showing clemency.

I had with me Te Paipera Tapu - the Bible in Te Reo Maori - the language of the indigenous people of Aotearoa New Zealand. As far as I know this is basically the translation made by predominantly British missionaries in the 19th Century - as there is no notation of revisions in the frontispiece. I find benefit in reading scripture in a language I don't know (especially a phonetic one like Maori) as it somehow reaches through my intellect and connects at a gut level.

The last part of verse 18 reads: ... no te mea e ngakau nui ana ia ki te tohu tangata. In this case I know enough Maori to know that ngakau nui is big heart. And tohu tangata is a subject people. I think this means that Godde has a big heart toward the people of Godde.

Ngakau nui will be my updated mobile phone banner for the next while (I noted the other day it is still Lent for Life but we are well past that season of the church year). As I delight to know that Godde delights in showing clemency. That word is so precious.

No greater love ...

Just returned from a wonderful thanksgiving service for a man I never knew. I knew of this man through meeting his wife, and hearing from others of her wonderful care and attention to him, especially in the last of their 60+ years together. Afterwards I got talking with another wonderful man who told me about the love of his life for 55 years. He still mises her eleven years after her death. He delighted in telling me how they met and their life together. He had the firmest handshake I've experienced for a long time. I am so blessed to have heard these stories of lifetimes of love and commitment. Tears are not far away. As I give thanks for these two examples of great love lived well. Thanks be to God.