In the busyness of everyday I find myself composing mental blog notes that never progress to keyboard or screen. So why is my mind so blank as sit in front of the computer this cool winter evening? Seeking to develop reflective practitioners, I need to exercise those capacities within myself. So of what am I thinking?
One recurrent thought echoes Mick Jagger: I can't get no satisfaction.
It troubles me that I feel so negative attending worship week after week. There seems no depth in the music. The theology is often appalling (to me). Or lacking. In an unguarded moment I once said to the President of our denomination that a thing I find difficult is so often having to switch my brain off as I walk through the doors of the church building. Which was unfair. But heartfelt. There seems an unholy intimacy in the "Jesus and me/ I am a friend of God/ Happy Clappy" atmosphere that distresses me, but that others find life-enhancing.
Yet at the funeral last week, which was an excellent acknowledgment of a life lived well, I did note the absence of any prayers directed to God and the palpable sense of carefully keeping everything rational. "She lives on in our memory of her" is totally true, and yet I yearned to hear the word 'resurrection'. There was an arm-length-ness about the conduct of worship that also did not satisfy.
One of our children said to me the other day "You really miss Cafe@Church don't you Mum?" This was a monthly event in a past hometown which did seem to find a third way that was neither self-consciously 'liberal' nor 'sentimentally evangelical'. This memory is partly why I was so energised by Sally's no hymns plan for this past Sunday. I do miss the creativity that was somehow more readily nurtured in a tiny island country than in a vast island continent.
Jane reflected a few days ago on interesting challenges facing the newly formed World Communion of Reformed Churches which "will have to work hard to try to hold together confessional and faith concerns with the deep desire for social justice. Many of the churches in the Global South do this naturally - it's part of being a Christian, as is praying and bearing witness. Somehow in parts of Global North some churches seem to have decided to say that they are either liberal or traditional and assume that those on the other side either don't pray or read the Bible or don't serve the world or speak out prophetically on social issues. Perhaps one day we will understand that the body of Christ is bigger, more diverse, more open and more challenging than any of us have dared to believe. A place of security from which we can find the courage to overcome the temptations of safety."
A couple of weeks ago we ran a session on leadership for first year students. In which we acknowledged leaders as people who ask "What can I do to change things" rather than whinging about what they do not like. At the recent Queensland Synod meeting the President's second Bible Study focused on Jesus' sayings that we often call the beatitudes (and demonstrated that careful theological scholarship is alive and well in our denomination). I was especially struck by his interpretation of 'meekness' which was, from memory, about not needing to puff oneself up but instead to have the internal strength to do what is right regardless of the reaction of others. Way back (I just discovered it was in March! I have thought about it and talked about it a lot since) Jane posted about the French translation of 'blessed' which is en marche with "the meaning of get up, get going, let's go. If someone is "en marche" they would be setting out on a path, walking ... if something is en marche, it is switched on, working, going." For this whinger then there is a challenge: demonstrate the blessedness of internal integrity. And change that theme song:
How can we get satisfaction?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Haere haere haere kuia ma ...
My first experience of Tiger Air today, flying to and from Melbourne to pay respects and bid a final farewell to 'Aunt Jean'. My husband's only remaining aunt, she has become increasingly frail over recent months and died on Sunday after 97 very full years of life. As he is in Grand Rapids, I really wanted to represent the 'wider family'. And so pleased I went, as I was the only relative apart from the immediate family. Even if I am a relative-in-law. So for the first time, and as the first in my own immediate family, I have met my cousin-in-law and his wife, children and grandchildren. Strangely and yet too frequently it is a death that facilitates this happening. Now that I can no longer exchange seasonal greetings with 'Jean', I look to make new contacts and ensure that future generations know the heritage they share.
It makes me think of the important role of networker or family connector that is present in several branches of my family.
This has been a very timely day. The right time to open up new relationships. The right time to try a new airline and enjoy discount fares. A very measured pace (partly due to the early hour of the cheap fare). A call from work about a serious student matter came just as the afternoon tea was finishing. And returning home at just the right time to collect youngest household member from music practice. Taps seems very appropriate:
Day is done, gone the sun
From the lakes, from the hills, from the skies
All is well, safely rest;
God is nigh.
And to Aunt Jean - Haere ra kuia ma, haere ki toku kainga tapu, ake ake ake, amine
Go beloved child of Alice and Matthew, go repected matriarch of our generations, go to your true home forever, Amen.
It makes me think of the important role of networker or family connector that is present in several branches of my family.
- When my grandfather left England to settle in NZ in the first part of the 20th century, his cousin Olive made sure that successive generations knew of the antipodean family
- My grandmother and father were wonderful recounters of family lore that has enriched my understanding of identity
- My mother has handed down 'heirlooms' with details of the history of each. Today I wear a brooch that first belonged to my great-grandmother. And in the china cabinet is the vase given to my grandmother by my grandfather on their first anniversary
This has been a very timely day. The right time to open up new relationships. The right time to try a new airline and enjoy discount fares. A very measured pace (partly due to the early hour of the cheap fare). A call from work about a serious student matter came just as the afternoon tea was finishing. And returning home at just the right time to collect youngest household member from music practice. Taps seems very appropriate:
Day is done, gone the sun
From the lakes, from the hills, from the skies
All is well, safely rest;
God is nigh.
And to Aunt Jean - Haere ra kuia ma, haere ki toku kainga tapu, ake ake ake, amine
Go beloved child of Alice and Matthew, go repected matriarch of our generations, go to your true home forever, Amen.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
It hurts
Why am I surprised to find that it hurts to put a hand in the fire? I have found a new/additional bottom line. When a colleague is treated unjustly. Threatened with disciplinary action for speaking out about quality and safety concerns. And 'meek and mild' M challenged the attack on integrity. Hurt for a couple of days. Found little had changed. Left feeling a bit winded.
I remember reading a poem once along the lines of 'Why do I feel so bad when I know I have acted rightly?' It's interesting, I think, that in movies and fiction the 'hero/ine' is often squeaky clean and their goodness shines forth in a blaze of righteous confidence. Not often is the 'goodie' perplexed and dismayed and uncertain of how to respond.
But hand in the fire, kia kaha, there is no other way to be
I remember reading a poem once along the lines of 'Why do I feel so bad when I know I have acted rightly?' It's interesting, I think, that in movies and fiction the 'hero/ine' is often squeaky clean and their goodness shines forth in a blaze of righteous confidence. Not often is the 'goodie' perplexed and dismayed and uncertain of how to respond.
But hand in the fire, kia kaha, there is no other way to be
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Hand in the fire
Brilliant and challenging Friday Five from Mary Beth this week. Excellent for a rather mild-mannered introvert with a strong need to please. Mary Beth writes:
--Robert Mapplethorpe, Hand in Fire, 1985
I learned it many years ago, while reading the Best Reference Letter Ever: written by a very distinguished linguistics professor for a student who went on to win a prestigious international scholarship. This student, he said, was destined for greatness; and he submitted his judgment with the certainty of the expression above.
I’ve always held the concept as a very important indicator in my mind. “Would I put my hand in the fire for that?” I sometimes think, and it helps me to make a decision or see a situation more clearly. It’s similar to “is this the battlefield I want to die on?”
These days (certainly as every day) there seems to be so much difficulty, wrong, pain, injustice, and mismanagement in our world, and I need a little revitalization. Often when I feel this way, I’ll write a list of things for which I’m grateful, but that’s certainly been done, and I need a bit of a stronger draught.
So, what are five things for which would you put your hand in the fire? Things / people / causes in which you believe passionately and completely? This might be demonstrated in that you would take extraordinary (for you) action…donations, marching, writing letters…or merely in the way you live your life. You may give as much or as little detail as you wish.
And I respond:
Not so long ago I tentatively questioned a proposal at a meeting (by saying something like "I think we need to consider whether or not this is the best option ...) and the table erupted in laughter when our convenor said "You don't usually jump up and down in such an argumentative manner Mavis." I guess the upside to that is that I can get taken seriously simply by pointing to the fire, because there is a sense that when I raise concerns I am very serious about it. The downside of course is that those not so astute think I'm "happy with the direction" when I'm burning up to the elbows. So when have I taken action/ put my hand in the fire/ been explicit about the bottom line on an issue:
--Robert Mapplethorpe, Hand in Fire, 1985There is a German expression: ich würde die Hand dafür ins Feuer legen, which means: “I would put my hand in the fire for that.”
I learned it many years ago, while reading the Best Reference Letter Ever: written by a very distinguished linguistics professor for a student who went on to win a prestigious international scholarship. This student, he said, was destined for greatness; and he submitted his judgment with the certainty of the expression above.
I’ve always held the concept as a very important indicator in my mind. “Would I put my hand in the fire for that?” I sometimes think, and it helps me to make a decision or see a situation more clearly. It’s similar to “is this the battlefield I want to die on?”
These days (certainly as every day) there seems to be so much difficulty, wrong, pain, injustice, and mismanagement in our world, and I need a little revitalization. Often when I feel this way, I’ll write a list of things for which I’m grateful, but that’s certainly been done, and I need a bit of a stronger draught.
So, what are five things for which would you put your hand in the fire? Things / people / causes in which you believe passionately and completely? This might be demonstrated in that you would take extraordinary (for you) action…donations, marching, writing letters…or merely in the way you live your life. You may give as much or as little detail as you wish.
And I respond:
Not so long ago I tentatively questioned a proposal at a meeting (by saying something like "I think we need to consider whether or not this is the best option ...) and the table erupted in laughter when our convenor said "You don't usually jump up and down in such an argumentative manner Mavis." I guess the upside to that is that I can get taken seriously simply by pointing to the fire, because there is a sense that when I raise concerns I am very serious about it. The downside of course is that those not so astute think I'm "happy with the direction" when I'm burning up to the elbows. So when have I taken action/ put my hand in the fire/ been explicit about the bottom line on an issue:
- When the integrity of a person who has earned my respect is questioned, especially publicly. A very recent incident involved questioning of the integrity and spirituality of a close colleague, one whom I admired for commitment to the values of our organisation. I was privileged and honoured to sign a letter from other staff upholding a colleague.
- When the physical integrity of individuals is compromised. A (SADLY) recurrent theme in medical education is the conduct by students of intimate examinations on anaesthetised patients. As a student I co-led the campaign of our year for an explicit consent process. Thirty years later I find the same issue exists. At least South Australia has a definitive guideline on the issue (discovered today - thanks MB)
- Spelling and grammar. Although far from perfect myself, I do get irritated by errors especially in formal documents. The abstract linked to above said patients were often "quiet willing" and one of the journal club article for our students talks of lung cancer being a "principle cause" of cancer mortality. Australia-wide the usage of the verb to be seems to have replaced the abbreviation you're with your as in "your welcome." Maybe not quite 'hand in the fire' stuff, but certainly an issue I take seriously in assessment and critical appraisal. And in choosing where to shop.
- Carbon footprint. I simply refuse to buy imported fresh produce. Especially if shipped from half a world away. Kiwifruit from FRANCE! Or lemons from France for that matter. I pay the extra for Aussie Barramundi. So far resisted the urge to buy a car - and if I do the back pocket/ cheque book will have to bear the pain of the additional cost of a hybrid.
- And back to the real serious stuff. Rights of children and young people. Our work in New Zealand to remove statutory protection for children from assault by parents under the guise of "correction" certainly caused significant 'fire' and in the end won bipartisan parliamentary support. I supported a family who withdrew participation from their local congregation because of the refusal of the leadership to even try to understand the child rights issues associated with far-right Christian Education curriculum (including teaching like "always do what adults tell you".) And including the UN Convention on children's rights in the medical curriculum. All of these matters surprisingly contentious. And worthy of hand-burning.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
customer service - not!
Arriving at the Sunshine Coast airport I approached the 'tourist information' desk. "Hello. I'm visiting for the weekend. Is there anything you recommend?"
"Not really. All the brochures here are for events in June or July"
"We're staying at Alexandra Headland. What are the points of interest near there?"
"Oh nothing really. They have 'Underwater World' (I begin to think to myself that sounds interesting) but really they have that sort of thing in every city nowadays so there's probably nothing special about this one. Down by the wharf there are soem seafood restaurants but only if you're into that sort of thing if you like seafood I gues it could be alright. Only here for two days. That's not very long. Most people come for longer than that" (Think to self - long enough given that there's nothing to do here).
This interaction stood out because of the generally extremely helpful people at Aussie tourist information desks, full of local knowledge and suggestions for an hour/day/week in their community. It got me thinking about first points of contact. With medical school enrolment for 2011 approaching, the images of the different universities is apparrent in the chat rooms and internet fora frequented by hopeful applicants. I am aware that I feel more engaged with a church congregation I attend maybe four times a year and from whom I receive a weekly email (which is informative and engaging) than with my 'local' where the key communication strategy seems to be ' word of mouth' and even a week or two away can be very isolating. When people ask how I am - responses of 'very busy' or 'pushed to the limit' serve to shut down coimmunication rather like the tourist desk attendant.
So what did we do with two days on the Sunshine Coast? Between attendances at the Uniting Church in Australia Queensland Synod meeting I walked along what must arguably be one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, swam in ocean at the end of autumn, drove inland and visited amazingly quaint towns, enjoyed a superb wedge of lemon meringue pie, stocked up on handmade soap and dukkah at local markets, looked out to an endless horizon while consuming a (supoer fresh) fishburger for lunch and fitted in dinner for two at the surf club before flying home.
At a personal level I wonder how often my interactions with people leave them feeling like I did as I left the airport. I can be very negative, and thsi is a problem particularly if it limits the blessings others receive. Like critical appraisal of a sermon or worship has limited usefulness especially if it is poorly directed (to all and sundry rather than to the key operational personnel). Even if I am not personally excited, Ican encourage independent exploration and if all alse fails, at least be ready to offer generic information with a smile.
"Not really. All the brochures here are for events in June or July"
"We're staying at Alexandra Headland. What are the points of interest near there?"
"Oh nothing really. They have 'Underwater World' (I begin to think to myself that sounds interesting) but really they have that sort of thing in every city nowadays so there's probably nothing special about this one. Down by the wharf there are soem seafood restaurants but only if you're into that sort of thing if you like seafood I gues it could be alright. Only here for two days. That's not very long. Most people come for longer than that" (Think to self - long enough given that there's nothing to do here).
This interaction stood out because of the generally extremely helpful people at Aussie tourist information desks, full of local knowledge and suggestions for an hour/day/week in their community. It got me thinking about first points of contact. With medical school enrolment for 2011 approaching, the images of the different universities is apparrent in the chat rooms and internet fora frequented by hopeful applicants. I am aware that I feel more engaged with a church congregation I attend maybe four times a year and from whom I receive a weekly email (which is informative and engaging) than with my 'local' where the key communication strategy seems to be ' word of mouth' and even a week or two away can be very isolating. When people ask how I am - responses of 'very busy' or 'pushed to the limit' serve to shut down coimmunication rather like the tourist desk attendant.
So what did we do with two days on the Sunshine Coast? Between attendances at the Uniting Church in Australia Queensland Synod meeting I walked along what must arguably be one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, swam in ocean at the end of autumn, drove inland and visited amazingly quaint towns, enjoyed a superb wedge of lemon meringue pie, stocked up on handmade soap and dukkah at local markets, looked out to an endless horizon while consuming a (supoer fresh) fishburger for lunch and fitted in dinner for two at the surf club before flying home.
At a personal level I wonder how often my interactions with people leave them feeling like I did as I left the airport. I can be very negative, and thsi is a problem particularly if it limits the blessings others receive. Like critical appraisal of a sermon or worship has limited usefulness especially if it is poorly directed (to all and sundry rather than to the key operational personnel). Even if I am not personally excited, Ican encourage independent exploration and if all alse fails, at least be ready to offer generic information with a smile.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Packing
Friday Five this week from Songbird (5 a.m. RevGals time) and has a focus on vacation packing. Songbird writes:
I'm preparing to pack my bags for the Big Event Three, and as I gather what I need I'm thinking about just that: what do I *need* to take with me? As a person who likes to pack light, I worry that in the end I may underpack and wish I had other things with me. I own the gigantor version of the bag to the right, but my morbid fear of having it go astray and not get to the ship means I'm more likely to try to pack it all in a carry-on bag instead, especially since I have a very tight connection on the way to the cruise. But won't I be sorry if I don't bring _______________?
With that in mind, here are five questions about packing to go on a trip.
1) Some fold, some roll and some simply fling into the bag. What's your technique for packing clothes?
Usually fold and sometimes fling into the bag
2) The tight regulations about carrying liquids on planes makes packing complicated. What might we find in your quart-size bag? Ever lose a liquid that was too big?
I haven't had to surrender liquids, but have twice had scissors in my carry-on and had to surrender them My zip-lock bag usually contains the daily essentials: cleanser or face-wipes, moisturiser, lipstick, fragrance, toothpaste and brush.
3) What's something you can't imagine leaving at home?
I have left something important at home on many many trips - and have arrived with no hairbrush/ underwear/ pyjamas etc etc. There was the terrible day we arrived at airport with no passports. Better question for me is something I cannot imagine traveling without. Earrings. And to be honest I don't think I have ever traveled without them.
4) Do you have a bag with wheels?
Yes
5) What's your favorite reading material for a non-driving trip (plane, train, bus, ship)?
Great novels. Barbara Kingsolver's The Bean Trees was so brilliant on the most recent transPacific flight as it was set where we had been in Oklahoma and Arizona. Currently my daily commute is being enlightened by an historical account of the Underground Railway: Bound for Canaan Very very interesting.
With that in mind, here are five questions about packing to go on a trip.
1) Some fold, some roll and some simply fling into the bag. What's your technique for packing clothes?
Usually fold and sometimes fling into the bag
2) The tight regulations about carrying liquids on planes makes packing complicated. What might we find in your quart-size bag? Ever lose a liquid that was too big?
I haven't had to surrender liquids, but have twice had scissors in my carry-on and had to surrender them My zip-lock bag usually contains the daily essentials: cleanser or face-wipes, moisturiser, lipstick, fragrance, toothpaste and brush.
3) What's something you can't imagine leaving at home?
I have left something important at home on many many trips - and have arrived with no hairbrush/ underwear/ pyjamas etc etc. There was the terrible day we arrived at airport with no passports. Better question for me is something I cannot imagine traveling without. Earrings. And to be honest I don't think I have ever traveled without them.
4) Do you have a bag with wheels?
Yes
5) What's your favorite reading material for a non-driving trip (plane, train, bus, ship)?
Great novels. Barbara Kingsolver's The Bean Trees was so brilliant on the most recent transPacific flight as it was set where we had been in Oklahoma and Arizona. Currently my daily commute is being enlightened by an historical account of the Underground Railway: Bound for Canaan Very very interesting.
Friday, March 26, 2010
RRR
Another week has gone by so fast and it's time to respond to the Friday Five posted by Songbird
over at RevGalBlogPals (with a very nice new refreshed webpage) She writes:
We're in the thick of it in church life as we approach the end of Lent. Palm Sunday and Holy Week await. In the midst of this busy-ness, I undertook a little redecorating here at RevGalBlogPals and found a new template for us. It's the sort of task I like in the middle of chaos, a chance to redo something, to refresh the way I feel, to restore some sense of order. Please share with us five ways you redo or refresh or restore your body, your space, your blog, anything in your life that needs perking up this week.
over at RevGalBlogPals (with a very nice new refreshed webpage) She writes:
We're in the thick of it in church life as we approach the end of Lent. Palm Sunday and Holy Week await. In the midst of this busy-ness, I undertook a little redecorating here at RevGalBlogPals and found a new template for us. It's the sort of task I like in the middle of chaos, a chance to redo something, to refresh the way I feel, to restore some sense of order. Please share with us five ways you redo or refresh or restore your body, your space, your blog, anything in your life that needs perking up this week.
- This week I have been intentionally walking when I feel a bit jaded. Like tonight - it was one of those nights - started well: packed up handbag and laptop and left the office by 6 p.m. ready to get home and provide transport to a birthday party; stopped off in 'Ladies room' - realised still wearing heels - went back to office and changed into runners - for comfort - bus at stop was a godsend to get speedily to train - at Railway station realised I didn't have laptop. I had bought some water en route - did I leave it in the convenience store? Then again maybe I left it in office when I changed shoes? Could I get sacked for losing a work computer? What if someone hacked in and got all the school info/ exam questions/personal details? Quick call home and making of alternative transport arrangements - taxi to work - laptop by desk :-) Tempted to get taxi back to station but walked instead. Still home by 8 pm. Feeling good.
- A constant reminder of the first peoples of this land
- Make something. I have rediscovered knitting in the past few years and it is very rewarding to see a garment take shape. Rhythm relaxation refreshment. Also brings in the reuse and maybe recycle aspects of responsible light living.
- Plan a holiday. Booked flights to Avalon to travel the Great Ocean Road in the Easter break. Sorry that is a bit insensitive in a blog where so many members will be working their hardest at this all-important liturgical season. But it's true. And is something I have done this week.
- Clean the 'fridge. Great satisfaction last weekend from getting all that stainless steel of the refrigerator, dishwasher and oven back to something of their former shiny selves. Nothing like a good spring clean. Or autumn clean to be more accurate.
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